Where I want to be
by Alexandra Kildigan
Summary: Becca has given birth to her baby, but will it be happily ever after for her and Justin?
1. Chapter 1

_All Hollyoaks characters (Becca, Justin, Nancy, Nicole, Jake etc)and the original idea of Becca and Justins relationship are the property of Mersey TV. The story of what happens following the birth of Becca's baby belongs to me, Alexandra Kildigan all ideas are original and not to be copied anywhere on theinternet (other fanfic sites, forums etc)without my consent or a link back to my page here as I have worked hard on these pieces._

"That will be £4.40 please" said Neville Ashworth, the new owner of Drive and Buy.

Becca fumbled in her purse.

"I erm, seem to be a bit short. Don't suppose I could drop it in later?" she asked hopefully.

Neville shook his head "Sorry love, we don't do credit." he said pointing to a sign hanging behind the counter saying "No credit, so don't ask."

Without saying another word Becca left the shop empty handed pushing the pram in front of her. It was six months since she had given birth to baby Robert and so much had happened. For a start she was no longer living in the flat she had bought with her then husband, Jake. After he left and she lost her job she had been unable to keep up with the mortgage repayments and the bank had eventually repossessed the flat. She was now living in a cramped bedsit with her teenage lover, Justin Burton struggling along as best they could on benefits and his wages from working at Tony Hutchinson's restaurant, Il Gnosh. Her younger sister Nancy, who was also the same age as Justin, was still barely speaking to her. Their relationship had never been the same since the revelation that Becca was having a secret affair with Justin, who was also Nancy's classmate. She was now staying with the Owen's. To make matters worse Nancy had carried out her threat to tell their mother about the mess Becca was in. Mrs Hayton had been furious that Becca could have been quite so stupid and had lost everything for the sake of a teenage boy and disowned Becca saying there was nothing more to say until Becca came to her senses twisting the knife even futher by telling Becca how ashamed her father would have been. Even the birth of Robert had made little difference and it seemed that Becca had no one left to turn to except for Justin. Even her closest friend Mandy had eventually given up on her and since she had left Hollyoaks village to start a new life Becca hadn't heard anything more from her.

Opening the door to the bedsit Becca was instantly filled with gloom. One room and a tiny bathroom for the three of them. She had expected Justin to be home alreadybut the room was empty. She sat on the battered sofa and tried to call him on his mobile. Leaving a message on his voicemail she sighed. It seemed Justin was at home less and less these days. If he wasn't at school he was doing shifts in Il Gnosh or at football practice.

It was gone 10pm by the time Justin arrived home. Becca was waiting. Justin threw his bag down in the corner of the room and went over to the cot where Robert was sleeping.

"Hello little one" he said softy.

"Justin, we need to talk" said Becca standing beside him.

Justin sighed and sat on the sofa. Becca sat next to him.

"What is it?" he asked, yawning.

"How come you are home so late?" she asked. "I was expecting you back hours ago"

"I was at football practice, and then some of the lads were going into town and asked me if I wanted to go, so I went. I didn't think you would mind." he answered

"I don't. It's just that..." Becca broke off.

"Just what?"

"You're hardly here these days. I never see you. If you aren't at school you are at Il Gnosh." she ventured cautiously

"We need my money from Il Gnosh you said so yourself. So you want me to give up school to spend time here with you and the baby, is that what you are saying?"

"No, Justin...You don't seem to realise things are different now. You can't just go swanning off to see your mates when you feel like it. You've got responsiblities now. I... WE need you here." cried Becca getting upset.

"Don't I just know it. That's all I ever hear these days. You know what? I'm starting to think Nancy was right." said Justin crossly getting up and moving towards the window. It had been the first time since, well he couldn't remember when that he had been able to just act like any other sixteen year old boy hanging around with his friends and now Becca was about to ruin the good day he had had.

"Nancy? What has she got to do with this?" asked Becca.

"Nancy warned me. She said being with you would mean I could no longer be a normal teenager and you would expect me to be an adult, and she was right. Do you know how it feels when I see people like Nancy, Nicole and Sarah doing normal teenage things like going out and having fun knowing that I can't do that any more? It's okay for you Becca, you've done all that. I haven't and it doesn't look like I can even spend time with the few mates I have left now because you expect me to come running straight home."

"Justin..."

"You keep going on about how much you gave up to be with _me_. What about what _I_ gave up to be with _you_? I barely speak to my Mum, Mel and Sophie aren't around anymore. I could have gone to Colchester with them, but I thought "us" was more important. I've probably waved goodbye to any chance of going to HCC too because we need money more than anything else. So I'm going to end up in a dead end job with no prospects and you've said yourself no one is going to employ you. You say I forget that things are different now, but I think you are the one who forgets that I am sixteen, not twenty six."

Becca sobbed. "So you are blaming me for all this?"

Justin looked at her. When he had first met her he had been blown away by her beauty and enchanted by her air of sweet innocence. He never imagined she would look twice at him. At first it had been a bit of a game to see whether he could be the one to pull the fit teacher at school, but then he had got to know her and liked what he found. When everyone else had turned their back on him after the incidents with Darlene, the pot smoking, Macki's death and boot camp Becca had believed in him. When they had finally got together Justin had really believed they would prove everyone wrong and last the distance. He wasn't sure if it was Becca who had changed or whether she had always been like this, but Justin found he was starting to get sick of listening to Becca's constant whining and the way she expected him to constantly provide the emotional support. It was becoming more and more of a burden. He no longer felt like he was asixteen year old boy, he felt like he waseighty-six with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The thought that this could be the picture of the rest of his life terrified him. What if he got toeighty-six and was full of regrets because he had stayed with Becca? What about his life? He looked at Becca again, the beautiful woman he had been attracted to had gone and all he saw was a snivelling wreck of a woman.

Justin picked up his bag and opened the door. "I'm sorry Becca. I need time to think" he said before walking out, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Justin!" Becca cried after him waking up the baby as she stood alone in the tiny bedsit.


	2. Chapter 2

Justin walked down the road still feeling angry about the confrontation he had just had with Becca. At that moment his phone started ringing, looking at the screen he saw Becca's name come up. Feeling even more annoyed he cancelled the call and switched it to silent before putting the phone back in his pocket. He did not want to talk to her at the moment. He carried on walking until he reached the Jubilee Gardens, sitting down he pulled his mobile back out. Six missed calls and text messages from Becca begging him to come home. Justin felt a pang of guilt, maybe he should go back, she needed him and so did Robert. At that moment the screen on his mobile lit up, Becca was trying to call him again. A fresh wave of anger surged through him, he wished she would just leave him alone for once. He thought back to all the things that had been said that evening. Maybe he should have regretted saying them, but he found he didn't. It was true, being with her was robbing him of his teenage years. He heard laughter across the street and saw Nancy and Nicole walking along arm in arm acting as if they didn't have a care in the world.

"Just like I should be doing" he thought feeling sad and envious at the same time.

He hoped they wouldn't see him and thought about hiding in the bushes. To his horror they walked towards him. Nancy saw him first.

"What are _you_ doing here? Becca finally seen sense and chucked you out?" she asked looking at the bag Justin had on the floor beside him.

"No." replied Justin.

Nancy looked at him.

"So why are you out here on your own late at night when you have a girlfriend and a baby at home? If you can call that dump home." she added nastily.

Nicole sat on the bench next to him.

"Is everything okay, Justin?" she asked gently.

"Nic! What are you being nice to him for? After all **_they_** have done. I'm going home!" snapped Nancy walking off.

Nicole watched her go and turned back to Justin.

"Justin, tell me what's wrong. I won't tell Nancy, you know you can trust me." said Nicole.

Justin took Nicole's hand.

"You've always been a good friend Nic." he said

"So tell me, what is wrong?"

Justin sighed.

"It's me and Becca. We had a row and I walked out." he said.

Nicole's eyes grew wider. Thinking it was a pity Nancy had not stayed to hear the latest gossip.

Justin went on.

"I can't handle it any more Nic. I thought I could. I thought I was so strong, so grown up. It was great at first, but then when Becca lost her job and we lost the flat..." he shook his head. "It just isn't like it used to be. Then tonight we had this huge row because I went into town with some friends after footy practice. When I got back she started saying all this stuff about how I was ignoring my responsibilities. It isn't true though Nicole, I try my best, I really do, but it's like she wants more all the time."

"Oh Justin." said Nicole squeezing his hand. "I didn't realise."

"Why would you? I can just see people like my Mum and Nancy saying they told me so. And do you know what is worse? They were right. I wanted to do so much Nicole, go to college, have a career, but I can't because we need money more."

Nicole and Justin sat in silence for a while. Even though he felt a bit guilty for complaining about Becca, Justin suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted from him. That still didn't solve the problem of what he was going to do from here. If he went back and apologised to Becca then maybe they could get things back to how they were in the beginning? But what if nothing changed and they just trundled along whilst resentment quietly simmered? Becca might not even forgive him for the things he said anyway. Then there was Robert to consider, he couldn't just walk out on him, Justin knew what it was like to grow up without a dad and didn't want that to happen to Robert. But could he really just go along with how things were for the sake of a baby, a baby that might not even be his. Becca had decided against a DNA test leaving it to be assumed that Robert was Justins son and not Jakes.

Nicole broke his train of thought.

"Are you going to be okay Justin? I should probably go before Mum wonders where I am."

Justin thought about asking Nicole if he could crash at the Owen's flat for the night. Nancy would never allow it though and as annoying as Nancy was he had done enough to hurt her over the past few months without him staying in her new home as well.

"Yeah I'll be fine. Thanks Nic." he said.

Left alone once more Justin wondered what he should do. He didn't feel like going home, but there was no one he could stop with. Rummaging in his bag he found the spare key he had had cut to the oldflat. It was still empty, maybe he could quietly sneak in there? He knew he still had a lot of thinking to do before facing Becca again.


	3. Chapter 3

A shaft of light beamed through the gap in the thin curtains. Becca stirred, turning to look at the clock she saw that it was still early, not yet even 7.00am. She lay on the bed staring at the ceiling wondering where Justin was. Scenes from the previous night played in her mind. That awful, awful argument they had which had resulted in Justin storming out. For hours she had tried calling him without success, he was ignoring her it seemed. Becca was worried though, Justin had been out all night and she didn't know where. Her imagination went into overdrive as she imagined all kinds of scenarios. She heard Robert stir in his cot, getting out of bed she quietly padded over and picked him up. Sitting on the bed she looked at his face. He was so pure, so innocent and unharmed from the harsh realities of life. As she cradled him she suddenly thought of Jamie Nash. She had met Jamie when she first arrived in Hollyoaks as a fresh faced student a few years earlier, then it had all gone wrong when he tragically died. In a cruel twist of fate she had discovered she was carrying Jamie's baby. His sister Jodie had begged her to keep it, but Becca had felt too young to cope with a baby as well as managing her grief and forging a careerand had opted for a termination. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Looking at Robert she wondered how Jamie's baby might have turned out. Would he have been happy? Would she have been in this mess now? If Jamie had lived, would they have still been together?

A tear trickled down Becca's face. She knew her situation was all her own fault. A year ago she had had it all, a loving husband who adored her, a home, a good job and good friends. She kissed Roberts head.

"I'm sorry darling." she said. "I'm sorry you've ended up part of this mess." Becca knew if it wasn't for Robert she would be sorely tempted to end it all, but there was no way she could leave her precious baby.

Hours past and Becca sat in the tiny bedsit waiting hopefully for Justin to return. He still wasn't answering her calls or text messages. As she glanced around the sparsley furnished room a photo of her, Justin and Robert caught her eye. She wasn't even sure that Justin _was_ Roberts father. With everything that happened it just seemed easier to assume he was and Justin seemed happy enough to take on the role. Lately though it seemed Justin was becoming more and more aware of what he was missing out on.Part of her felt guilty, what if Robert was really Jake's child and she was depriving him of the chance to know his family? At least the Deans lived close by, unlike Justin's family who were now all settled in Colchester and barely speaking to them anyway. Nancy had visited a few times, but the atmosphere had been decidedly frosty. Becca loved Justin, but sometimes wondered whether losing everything else had been worth it just so they could be together. Panic struck her. What if Justin never came back, Becca wasn't sure she would be able to cope as a single mother with few prospects, she knew she would never teach again, that was for sure. Teaching had been all she had ever wanted to do, even when she was a little girl she loved to play 'school' with Nancy.

At that moment Becca heard the sound of a key being turned in the door, slowly it opened and there stood Justin. Becca let out a cry of joy and went over to him.

"Becca, we need to talk" said Justin flatly.


End file.
